in response to a call for feedback on tricia's journal today ...

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1. Describe your childhood whether it was in the small town or city.

mostly grew up in a big city (miami, age 4-13), though where i lived in the city was more like dense suburbia (99% residential and our neighborhood -- miami springs -- did have it's own sort of distinct "downtown" area with little shops); spent my teen years partially out in VERY rural Western NC (half mile to nearest neighbor, hour drive to nearest supermarket and high school) and partially in a smallish city (80,000ppl) also in WNC.

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2. How do you think it would have been different if you lived in a city/small town? In other words, how would it have been different if you grew up in the opposite situation?

i think if i'd lived my early years in the COUNTRY, i would have grown up with healthier habbits; like eating healthier since there would have been good garden veggies served at home and i'd likely be more physically fit because there would have been lots more to do outdoors and outdoors would have been relatively safe, and that level of activity probably would have become habit and kept up through adulthood. i think i would have been more mainstream religious since i think most rural communities range from mainstream to fundamentalist christian. i would have also been more likely to be prejudiced since folks tend to fear what they are unfamiliar with and rural america tends to be monocultured. i'd have maybe a stronger sense of us/them-ism in regards to the international community as well due to the same lack of contact with diversity.

but as for how things would have been different if i'd spent my early years in a small TOWN/CITY rather than a big one ... there might not have been any difference. some small cities, like here in Asheville, manage to be quite diverse and cosmopolitan dispite their size. some are more monocultured like rural america. but if i'd spent my early years in asheville rather than miami springs, i don't think there would have been much difference. now, the teenage years are another matter. i'm glad i wasn't in a big city at that point because i think hard drugs would have been much more prevalent, school violence would have been much worse, and i was kinda irresponsible (as most teens are) and there are things i did that likely would have been fatal in a big city whereas in a small town/city, they were just stupid. i'd also say that in a small town/city it's MUCH harder to be a bad kid and get away with it under the parental radar. you can lose yourself in a big city and not run into anyone you know. in a small town, you can't go anywhere without bumping into folks you know and who also know your parents. every time i got in big trouble it seemed EVERYBODY knew about it because word would spread like wildfire through people constantly bumping into one another.

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3. Describe your life as an adult with respect to the size of the community.

i'm very happy living in the size and type of city where i do now and have lived since my teens (Asheville, NC). i like it being smallish so that you're not lost in a sea of humanity, and i like it being safer than big cities. it's also less concrete-ified than most big cities, so there's a lot of natural beauty left to enjoy. and, as noted earlier, it's a much more cosmopolitan and diverse city than cities of its size tend to be; i wouldn't be happy in a city of this size if it was a monoculture.

unfortunately, gobs of people keep moving here and ruining the natural beauty by mowing down forests to put in gated communities and their shear numbers are making it so that it won't be a small city for very much longer either.

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4. How do you think it would be different if you lived in a different sized community?

if i lived someplace like NYC, i don't think i'd be very happy. i think the pace of life in cities like that is much more rushed, people are much less friendly (understandably since crime is much higher), and strangely i think i'd feel much more alone because i'd have to do what big city people do and have my guard up all the time and keep people at a distance much more. the only big city i can imagine possibly being happy living in is Atlanta, GA. it's still southern enough to be a bit slower paced and a bit friendlier. it's also kept a lot more trees and open spaces than other cities of its size and it's neighborhoods are more i don't know, neighborhoody? urban sprawl of bedroom communities where folks don't know each other and drive far away to do anything and everything are NOT neighborhoods. atlanta as well as miami where i grew up have real neighborhoods with thier own little commercial sections where the locals go and have the opportunity to get to know each other. it's like having a small town inside a big city. that i think i could deal with.

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5. How do you think it would be the same?

well i & most folks spend 6-8 hours asleep each day and 8-10 hours inside the four walls of their workplace. that's 14-18 hours out of 24 five-six days a week where what's going on outside your door make absolutely no difference whatsoever.

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6. Sarah Palin, on the campaign trail, said to a small town audience that she was glad to be back in the "real America." Do you agree or disagree with Sarah Palin; are the small towns the real America? Why or why not?

no, i don't agree with palin on this statement (nor much of anything else for that matter). but i do understand how she might view it that way. when you consider that smaller towns/cities tend to be less diverse, tend to be populated by people born and raised there, tend to be populated by families that all live in proximity to one another, tend to be more monoculutural (shared religion, shared history, shared culture, shared political leanings, etc.), smaller cities/towns do wind up being more like STEREOTYPICAL america of the "leave it to beaver" variety, but "beaver" was NEVER an accurate portrayal of the depth and bredth of america.

so palin may seem to be right in so far as small towns/cities more closely match our DISTORTED perceptions of "classic american" culture. but palin is really wrong because that classic american culture of the 50s never represented everyone and was nonetheless a fleeting phenomenon that was not representative of any other time in american history before nor since the 50s.

haven't posted for a while ... haven't had anything burning my brain that felt like shooting out my fingers to the keyboard ... really, i still don't, but was feeling guilty that i haven't written in a while and hoped that something would come to me if i just started blither-typing..................nope.

but, there is something that i could write that i thought a lot about when i was driving down to miami about 5 weeks ago. i haven't written about it because it's a touchy subject and not something folks are in a hurry to admit to: prejudice.

my prejudice? i cant's stand miami cubans. i grew up in miami before, during and after the huge influx of cuban boat people. my eighth grade graduating class has 27 hispanics (23 of which were cuban) and 6 anglos (including me). the hispanic kids, being the majority, ostracized the anglo kids. they treated me especially awfully. fast forward to teen and adulthood and my experience with miami cubans didn't improve. they refused to speak english (even though most of them know some if not a lot of english). you go into a regular grocery store and the check-out person won't speak english to you. the folks at the book store are cranky to you when you ask questions in english. the people you encounter on a daily basis are just plain rude in every imaginable way ... had a woman get on the elevator after me, she was between me and the button panel, she was going to the 4th floor, i was going to the 3rd, we started out on the ground floor. i asked several times (twice in english, once in spanish) for her to press my floor number, when i asked in spanish, she curtly said "prima el quatro" which is to say, "first the 4th floor" ... arrrrgg!! and the vast majority of miami cubans i run into are just as rude! they crash by you in stores and don't apologize, they ignore you as you wait for service, etc. etc. they have absolutely NO MANNERS and act like they're the queen of the parade (at least this is the way they act toward anglos ... maybe they're nicer to other cubans, who knows).

i keep specifying "miami cubans" because i think that they are a culture unto themselves. i hear there's a large cuban population in NJ and of course there's all the cubans still in cuba. i am unfamiliar with these cultures and don't lump the others in with the miami cubans.

i know it's unfair to take even a sub-group of people and have a blanket emotion related to them. i know there ARE some cubans in miami who are nice. but when you only meet 1 nice one for every 50 crappy ones, well, it's hard not to generalize.

but, in mulling all this over on my way to the dreaded city of my birth, i realized that prejudice is less about disliking the people and more about disliking who you yourself become as a result of the interaction. sure, i can't stand their rudeness, but i think what i actually hate is who i become in that culture. i become the outcast, the black sheep, the odd-man-out, the one who doesn't belong, the square peg, etc. if you think miami as a stage with actors playing various parts, it's that i can't stand the role i'm cast in there. so, prejudice isn't so much about "them" as good/bad, it's about not liking MY role in the situation.

well, isn't it "them" that puts me in that role, so aren't we back to it being an external focus of blame? well, sort of. i can't deny that the dynamic that i find so distasteful is a dynamic that is set up by the egotistical separatist culture that thrives there because that's how they choose to behave. but, and i know it's a fine distinction, there's a difference between having the PEOPLE be the central focus of distaste versus having the DYNAMIC be the central focus of distaste. and really, EVERYONE involved in the dynamic is subject to its effects, both oppressor and oppressed. and by seeing that distinction it's possible to be less judgmental of individual people and less blanketly condemning.

as a result of redirecting my ire, thinking all this through during my drive, i had a far less frustrating visit (some of my family still lives down there, otherwise, sure, i'd just avoid the place).

so there's one of the skeletons in my closet of shame.

I walk the middle ground, i find truth in paradox, delight in oxymorons, test the veil between, and hold on fiercely until i let go completely.